Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize