Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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