You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
