tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
