so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
