margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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