There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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