How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
