So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
