My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
