I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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