Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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