omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
