Me too!
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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