I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
