i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
