I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
