My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
