The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
