oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
