just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
