just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
