That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
