I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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