Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
