The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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