Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
