Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
