Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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