that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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