We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
