Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
