You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
