What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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