go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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