It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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