Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
