stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize