Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
