My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
