You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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