How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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