I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
