she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
