So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
