i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
