You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize