I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
