Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
