Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
