all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
