A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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