Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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