My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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