Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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