There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
