I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
