I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
