At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
