mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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