it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
