So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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