You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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