i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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