did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
