I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
