My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
