she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
