at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
