Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
