I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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