I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We left the knife in your bed.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
