I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
