Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
